In the last article I wrote, we looked at some of the top causes of conflict in relationships. So, what are some of the major causes in breakups? Yes, you guessed it! One of the top causes for contention is - money.
For some couples this is not a problem, they find a system that works for them and they stick with that system. In other couples, there is only one income and so managing the money is managed by both partners, or one person manages it for both of them with the agreement of the other.
Content Management System
Generally, there is little issue when both partners have a say, can agree and are getting their basic needs covered. However, when there is disagreement over how the money is spent and who has control over it, there can be big problems. It becomes an unwelcome focus that grates each day.
Nothing seems to be quite as contentious or divisive as Money. As a sensitive subject, it can be more problematic that religion or politics. It is the 'stuff' on which the world seems to turn and it is something 'everybody' wants! It seems that only a few people have a lot of it, and almost nobody has enough of it!
So... what to do when Money sits like a big ogre between the two of you? Well, you love each other, right? And you are able to talk with each other about pretty much anything, right? Okay... Perhaps the way to start is to set aside a time, and make an 'appointment' with each other to talk about your money.
First, look at this from the point of view that - it is only money and there are many more important things in life; money is a tool, a resource, a means to an end only. While it is important to manage your money well, it cannot be allowed to define your relationship.
Next... talk to each other (and really listen) about what money means to each of you. It is always a good idea to understand more about your mate and why they think or do what they do. This will affect how you both deal with this subject, and remember to allocate some 'personal' money.
After that, go over the 'nuts and bolts' stuff... you know...what your commitments are - the absolute necessities, the needs and the wants. It is important to decide what are non-negotiables like rent, and set aside funds weekly for these costs.
Giving each person some 'personal money' or some control over part of the budget will mean they have responsibility over that portion. It is important that both partners see themselves as being responsible for the money and agree how their budget is built and managed.
The strange thing is that money is more about trust and responsibility than simple finances. Money should not be an emotional resource, but because of what it can represent to us, it invariably is.
In that event, it is perhaps time to take stock of what it DOES represent and what is truly important to us. Do we get our self worth from money? If we do, then it is time to realise that we are more than the sum that we have sitting in the bank.
Money does not buy everything. It certainly does not buy true love, but it can fowl the love nest, if we let it.
No comments:
Post a Comment